So, it’s raining here today right….
Let me paint a picture in your mind of just how my owners morning started…
[I sit behind the gate (because I must stay home) and watch as this ridiculous fiasco unfolds...
Running late as usual – she's gotta get the kids to school - hasn't even touched her coffee – Parrot is screaming riot for his biscuit - which they’ve totally forgotten, and no matter how I stare and indicate to fill my food bowl - I can see it ain't gonna happen this morning...
Right, so they're seriously late, and it’s pouring with rain. Both those brats, (Nasile and Megan) have decided to don their boots, bags AND umbrellas (what's wrong with a bit a rain for I ask you??) Of course as the excitement builds (gum-boot-dancing on their way to the car) so the rain begins to fall harder and harder too! (Note: my owner HAS NO umbrella, as the hands are already laden with handbag, files, gizmos, gadgets, etc, oh – and a sheet for the car…) See on this day.... (ha ha) she happens to have the bosses 2 dogs along too! (fortunately they’re not sporting umbrellas and boots, but they DO have 8 very muddy paws between them..... (wha ha haa haaaaaa!!!.... can you imagine how I'm enjoying this?)
So rush-rush, and in an attempt to synchronise the whole load-in process, she whips open the back door – like a cowboy getting the first shot in a duel - and in a single motion she flips the sheet over the back seat – (Wow! but none the less a pathetic attempt to spare the seats from the muddy onslaught coming it’s way!)
Then, before she knew it, the dogs were flying in to get front row seats – (I coulda told her that! it's to beat the dumb brats who obviously don’t act fast enough - durrr!) Right… too late to do anything about that, she attempts to load the kids...
Now it’s pissing with rain!! - and I can see how her fake coat (she calls it a fancy parker...) aka a bath sponge! is just sucking up each and every drop! [She's soaked! - and pissed off!]
But… they're not finished yet…. Oblivious to her calculated attempts, the kids are totally distracted and in their silly little imaginary worlds, and they’re dancing with juvenile delight beneath their protective little umbrellas… (you call those critters cute???)
THEN.. she decides it's time for that almightly command… “Get in the car kids - NOW!!!!" Jeeeezuz, thos brats were brutally brought back from their bubbles of delirium! So they gun for the car - at opposite sides of each other! [I thought it canna get betta than this!!!!]
Well, that’s not the end of it…Oh no, it only got worse… That little xhosa warrior shouts “Wehnay – I konna close it! - Wehnaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!” (Nasile (4) and umbrella (tricky) are squarely stuck in the door…) and from the other side I hear “Mommy!!! – can you help me here pleeeeease!! I’m stuck!!” – Here I look on how my owner contemplates exploring an out of body experience (I've seen it in her eyes before - belieeeeve me!) She breathes deeply (by now I’m actually holding my breath, because I’m practically laughing out loud!) Anyway, (and what followed was brutal) She folded Nasile and his umbrella in one go – like those old fashioned stainless steel concertina pot rests? - snap! and squished him in, flung around the car and pretty much used her foot to boot poor Meg in, as her umbrella had mutated into some hissing mad demon! [I'm on the floor here!!!!! these people are crazy!]
…. I don’t remember how she got in, but when she did, I heard Megan say…. “Mommy, can you put the music on please!!!”
You gotta love the humans!
Till next time - Lorrs
the brats, Megan & Nasile